Hate and Friendship
How easy it is to turn from a good friend to someone who you can't just wait to murder. One day, everything's fine. Then the next day, what you did in good intention turned into fuel for your friend's burning anger. You become Brutus. What you intended for good will be viewed as betrayal, wrong, and unacceptable.
It all began as a joke to some kid, who I had come to believe, is in need of a good friend. He was teased, mocked, and hated by almost everyone in the whole grade. This was, of course, when I was still in highschool. I was not that much of a bully, but I was not the prey as well. I was more of, 'you do your thing, I do my thing' sort of guy. Occasionally, I would tease or do mean stuff, but I never hurt anyone, and I always admit to my mistake or purposely let those that I bully take revenge on me. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't pure evil too.
One day, that kid who was hated by all the other kids got really bullied. I mean, his locker was banged up, he was ignored to, it was horrible. I myself was the provider of the hammer that banged up the locker. But when I saw him there infront of his locker, I could not help but think that I should go straight to hell and suffer eternity in the pits of fire, repenting for my sins. But at that time, I was too afraid to come out and say I was sorry. I was being insignificant, pathetic, incompitent. Eventually, I forgot about my feelings and went on. However, that poor kid would suffer a fate far more horrible.
That kid, who was hated by the entire grade, was teased and bullied because he was a show-off. He said he knew stuff, or that he could do better than you and all those things you would call annoying. And it so happens, that my best friend at the time hated that kid the most. He hated that kid so much, that he would try to annoy that kid back as much as possible. But one day, that kid (mentioned as kid, but he was older than me by a year) brought a laptop computer to school. Seeing his chance, my best friend took it when the kid was asleep. I had no knowledge of this until I was back at home, when a phone rang up and said, 'hey, you know (kid)'s laptop?' That was very suprising news. I was excited, which was not good at all. Later, I felt extremely bad for what I have done. Even though I never had any part in the theft, I let my best friend bring it to my house from time to time, and I even borrowed it for a day or two. I felt as if I was dying inside, each time I thought about the laptop. Why was I not strong enough to say it to someone? Was it because I was afraid to turn on my friend, even if it meant breaking my other friend's back?
Eventually, the school found out, and traced the theft to me, saying it was my fault. It was a simple interrogation. I gave my 100% co-operation. But I asked only 1 thing in return. To not hurt my best friend, to not let him know, which I knew they would tell anyway, but I just wanted them to know how I felt. When the school did interrogate my best friend, he said 'thanks alot'.
From that point onwards, he was nothing more than raw grudge towards me. It was not anger, it was not hate, but grudge. As for me, I kept silent. Hoping that one day he would understand that I told on him so that there would be no police involved, and that things could settle easily by just parents or students talking it out. But all he knew was that I betrayed him. So was it worth Betraying him at that point? I believe so. That kept me going nicely until I could handle it anymore. I then just, left.
Now, even if we are in the same University, when we see each other, I have nothing towards him anymore. I am hollow, an empty husk with no emotions. The only things I feel now are anger, hate, pain, and joy. I guess thats what happens when you invest too much time and emotions in friends. They may say that a friendship is a ship that cannot sink, but they didn't say that a friendship can be will be a pleasant ship. So here's my equation for the subject. Friendship (f) + Lots of Effort (e) = Misunderstanding (m) . Misunderstanding (m) = (x). (x) = Hate. Maybe its best not to put so much effort in friends. What do you think?
It all began as a joke to some kid, who I had come to believe, is in need of a good friend. He was teased, mocked, and hated by almost everyone in the whole grade. This was, of course, when I was still in highschool. I was not that much of a bully, but I was not the prey as well. I was more of, 'you do your thing, I do my thing' sort of guy. Occasionally, I would tease or do mean stuff, but I never hurt anyone, and I always admit to my mistake or purposely let those that I bully take revenge on me. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't pure evil too.
One day, that kid who was hated by all the other kids got really bullied. I mean, his locker was banged up, he was ignored to, it was horrible. I myself was the provider of the hammer that banged up the locker. But when I saw him there infront of his locker, I could not help but think that I should go straight to hell and suffer eternity in the pits of fire, repenting for my sins. But at that time, I was too afraid to come out and say I was sorry. I was being insignificant, pathetic, incompitent. Eventually, I forgot about my feelings and went on. However, that poor kid would suffer a fate far more horrible.
That kid, who was hated by the entire grade, was teased and bullied because he was a show-off. He said he knew stuff, or that he could do better than you and all those things you would call annoying. And it so happens, that my best friend at the time hated that kid the most. He hated that kid so much, that he would try to annoy that kid back as much as possible. But one day, that kid (mentioned as kid, but he was older than me by a year) brought a laptop computer to school. Seeing his chance, my best friend took it when the kid was asleep. I had no knowledge of this until I was back at home, when a phone rang up and said, 'hey, you know (kid)'s laptop?' That was very suprising news. I was excited, which was not good at all. Later, I felt extremely bad for what I have done. Even though I never had any part in the theft, I let my best friend bring it to my house from time to time, and I even borrowed it for a day or two. I felt as if I was dying inside, each time I thought about the laptop. Why was I not strong enough to say it to someone? Was it because I was afraid to turn on my friend, even if it meant breaking my other friend's back?
Eventually, the school found out, and traced the theft to me, saying it was my fault. It was a simple interrogation. I gave my 100% co-operation. But I asked only 1 thing in return. To not hurt my best friend, to not let him know, which I knew they would tell anyway, but I just wanted them to know how I felt. When the school did interrogate my best friend, he said 'thanks alot'.
From that point onwards, he was nothing more than raw grudge towards me. It was not anger, it was not hate, but grudge. As for me, I kept silent. Hoping that one day he would understand that I told on him so that there would be no police involved, and that things could settle easily by just parents or students talking it out. But all he knew was that I betrayed him. So was it worth Betraying him at that point? I believe so. That kept me going nicely until I could handle it anymore. I then just, left.
Now, even if we are in the same University, when we see each other, I have nothing towards him anymore. I am hollow, an empty husk with no emotions. The only things I feel now are anger, hate, pain, and joy. I guess thats what happens when you invest too much time and emotions in friends. They may say that a friendship is a ship that cannot sink, but they didn't say that a friendship can be will be a pleasant ship. So here's my equation for the subject. Friendship (f) + Lots of Effort (e) = Misunderstanding (m) . Misunderstanding (m) = (x). (x) = Hate. Maybe its best not to put so much effort in friends. What do you think?
3 comments:
IMPRESSIVE!!!!
Fabulous Blog! Kiyoto Nilwong
What a complicated!!
You're good writter, kyo!
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